TUSTIN, CA — A previously lost episode of the beloved children’s classic VeggieTales has surfaced that depicts a young Dave, portrayed by Junior Asparagus, chopping off 200 pickle tips and bringing them to King Saul as tribute.
The lost episode was discovered by Trilogy Animation Group while they were reviewing archival footage as part of their work in developing future VeggieTales content, but the crew now wishes they’d never found it.
"It’s shockingly graphic," one member of the team said. "Some of the most lifelike animation ever done for the show, certainly, but… yeah, it’s gross."
The story was an adaptation of 1 Samuel 18, which tells how King Saul charged David to bring him 100 Philistine foreskins as a dowry. The quest was intended to be a suicide mission, with King Saul assuming David would die in the ensuing battle. However, David not only succeeds, he more than doubles the dowry, delivering 200 foreskins. In an attempt to make the story suitable for younger audiences, the creator and former writer of VeggieTales Phil Vischer replaced the foreskins with the more appropriate (and vegetable-themed) pickle tips.
"It didn’t work," Vischer said, recalling the abandoned episode. "We never aired it because it was just too horrifying."
The lost episode not only depicted the circumstances of David’s predicament but also his unyielding faith in God as he slashes hundreds of pickle tips.
"We didn’t have Dave actually kill any of the Philistines, but that kind of made it worse," Vischer reflected. "So much screaming."
At publishing time, TBN announced they would air Dave and the 200 Severed Pickle Tips during a special after-hours broadcast for adults.
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Denial has no survival value. And pretending that the threats faced by Christian churches in today’s world only apply to “other” churches in “other towns” is both imprudent and foolish.
This year, I visited a local church with family for Christmas Eve services. We arrived early, and I had a chance to people watch. I saw one or two individuals who looked like they might be armed judging by their dress and the more serious folding knives clipped to their pants. Nobody had radios and those men were with their respective families, not watching for threats.
The church had pleasant greeters, but they had no radio communications. Moreover, more than a few of us entered from the lower parking lot through a dimly lit, unmanned entrance on another level. Not at all good from a security standpoint. Later, during services, nobody was anywhere near the pastor in a protective role. I’d just about bet money that all the entrances were unlocked and virtually unmonitored.
I spoke about this dearth of best practices on security with a couple of knowledgeable friends. One suggested that this place of worship maybe had an exceptionally discrete team. I chuckled, given multiple open entrances, some unstaffed? No way. That’s a rookie mistake that can cost a lot of lives if evil comes a-knockin’. That and a lack of communications along with any semblance of protection for the pastor left me pretty sure this place was hopelessly unprepared for bad things that might happen.
There are a host of short-sighted reasons why some might be opposed to an organized church safety and security team. Those reasons usually involve fragile people who would rather not acknowledge that evil exists … and of course those icky guns.
A failure to plan is a plan to fail.
Why have a safety and security team?
A safety and security team will welcome people to each service, and more importantly, they stand trained and ready to assist rendering aid in medical emergencies. One would think increasingly aging congregations would welcome that kind of planning.
Teams also monitor weather- and environmental-related threats as well as help look after child care areas. Sometimes they even direct traffic, both inside with people and outside with traffic in parking lots.
Perhaps their most important function is to protect the congregations from nut jobs, violent criminals and others with ill intent. They do so outside in the parking lots, at the front door and inside the sanctuary, communicating with one another via radios and their earpieces. Video surveillance assists in monitoring the exterior as well as entrances for potential problems, including medical emergencies.
Not having a team to mitigate risks and deal with threats can have costly and lasting impact to the church’s long-term viability. If something happens and the church hadn’t taken reasonable steps to mitigate that risk, people will leave that church. If something bad happens, they could even sue the church. People go to church to find peace and sanctuary, not experience criminal attack or victimization.
Failing to use best practices for church security in today’s world is as imprudent as leaving your house unlocked and your car’s keys in the ignition.
There are worse-case scenarios beyond robberies, thefts and other crime. Some involve physical violence by bad people slashing people with a blade or blasting away with a gun.
It seems hardly a week goes by where there’s not an attack on churches somewhere in America. These are usually carried out by social misfits and society’s losers.
Fortunately, most are thwarted by safety and security teams and these incidents hardly make the news. Sometimes these even happen at high-profile venues like Joel Osteen’s Lakewood Church in Houston where the security team stopped a bloodbath earlier in 2024.
Sadly, some attacks are not thwarted and people get hurt. Some even die.
If there’s no team, there’s little hope of deterring or thwarting a criminal attack, especially if it happens during service. Moreover, without a team, there’s scarcely any chance of organized response to a serious threat.
Ensure the safety of guests and the long-term viability of a church. Make sure your place of worship has a safety team and plans for emergencies of all sorts.
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