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BATON ROUGE, LA — In the most successful advancement for men’s mental health in decades, therapists opened an office that is simply an MMA octagon with a sign outside saying “Therapy”.
“My cracked rib is all healed so I’m off to therapy again honey,” said local man Deron Thompson to his wife. “Ready to get back in there and, uh, really work through my issues.”
Dr. Tim Dillashaw and Dr. Domingo Cruz said the new office is already bursting with patients after opening the new office just last month. “It’s not that men won’t do therapy, it’s just that no one has been offering actual therapy for men,” said Dr. Cruz. “You don’t need to lay on a couch. You need to lay on the mat while your opponent is throwing haymakers in full mount and learn how to fight your way back to your feet. Now if you’ll excuse me, I have a patient to choke out.”
According to sources, the incognito MMA studio has produced stunning therapeutic results. “All of that stress from work suddenly didn’t matter so much when I was losing oxygen from an arm triangle,” said local patient Timothy Traeger. “I got absolutely pummeled during my first session and walked away feeling more alive than I’d felt in months. I tried and failed a million stress management techniques. Turns out, all I needed was to learn how to pass guard and make my buddy tap with an armbar.”
At publishing time, patients’ wives had reported tremendous satisfaction in their husbands’ new willingness to attend therapy, though they did express concern over why their husbands always returned from therapy limping.
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