J.R.R. Tolkien Returns With Army Of The Dead To Destroy Everyone Trying To Make ‘Lord Of The Rings’ Woke
WORLD—Terrified progressive scholars, movie executives, journalists, and bloggers ran screaming Thursday as they were confronted by an apparition of J.R.R. Tolkien leading the Dead Men of Dunharrow to destroy anyone who tried to make his work “woke.”
“I summon you — fulfill your oath!” the late Tolkien cried after venturing under the mountain to find the undead army. Tolkien raised Anduril aloft, and the army submitted to the professor, allowing him to lead them into battle against everyone trying to deconstruct his book and make it woke.
From writers pushing “queer readings” of his epic, heavily Catholic, and decidedly traditionalist and non-woke magnum opus to movie studio executives looking for ways to put nudity into their film and show adaptations, thousands fell in battle against the army. Those running the Tolkien Society’s latest woke conference heard a low rumbling and looked into the distance, terrified, to see the professor leading the army against them. “Onward!” a laughing Tolkien cried as the people trying to ruin the greatest book ever written scattered before the awful and terrible sight.
“I release you from your duty,” Tolkien said, causing the army to disappear, before going off to see if he could get any decent tobacco before returning to the afterlife.
Microsoft Excel formulas can do almost anything. In this article, you’ll learn how powerful Microsoft Excel formulas and conditional formatting can be, with three useful examples.
Much of the Excel power lies behind the Excel formulas and rules that help you manipulate data and information automatically, regardless of what data you insert into the spreadsheet.
Let’s dig into how you can use formulas and other tools to better use Microsoft Excel.
Conditional Formatting With Excel Formulas
One of the tools that people don’t use often enough is Conditional Formatting. With the use of Excel formulas, rules, or just a few really simple settings, you can transform a spreadsheet into an automated dashboard.
To get to Conditional Formatting, you just click on the Home tab and click on the Conditional Formatting toolbar icon.
Under Conditional Formatting, there are a lot of options. Most of these are beyond the scope of this particular article, but the majority of them are about highlighting, coloring, or shading cells based on the data within that cell.
This is probably the most common use of conditional formatting—things like turning a cell red using less-than or greater-than formulas. Learn more about how to use IF statements in Excel.
One of the lesser-used conditional formatting tools is the Icon Sets option, which offers a great set of icons you can use to turn an Excel data cell into a dashboard display icon.
When you click on Manage Rules, it’ll take you to the Conditional Formatting Rules Manager.
Depending on the data you selected before choosing the icon set, you’ll see the cell indicated in the Manager window with the icon set you just chose.
When you click on Edit Rule, you’ll see the dialog where the magic happens.
This is where you can create the logical formula and equations that will display the dashboard icon you want.
This example dashboard will show time spent on different tasks versus budgeted time. If you go over half the budget, a yellow light will display. If you’re completely over budget, it’ll go red.
As you can see, this dashboard shows that time budgeting isn’t successful.
Almost half of the time is spent way over the budgeted amounts.
Time to refocus and better manage your time!
1. Using the VLookup Function
If you’d like to use more advanced Microsoft Excel functions, then here are a couple for you to try.
You’re probably familiar with the VLookup function, which lets you search through a list for a particular item in one column, and return the data from a different column in the same row as that item.
Unfortunately, the function requires that the item you’re searching for in the list is in the left column, and the data that you’re looking for is on the right, but what if they’re switched?
In the example below, what if I want to find the Task that I performed on 6/25/2018 from the following data?
In this case, you’re searching through values on the right, and you want to return the corresponding value on the left.
If you read Microsoft Excel pro-user forums, you’ll find many people saying this isn’t possible with VLookup. You have to use a combination of Index and Match functions to do this. That’s not entirely true.
You can get VLookup to work this way by nesting a CHOOSE function into it. In this case, the Excel formula would look like this:
Here’s one more crazy Excel formula for you! There may be cases where you either import data into Microsoft Excel from an outside source consisting of a string of delimited data.
Once you bring in the data, you want to parse that data out into the individual components. Here’s an example of name, address, and phone number information delimited by the ";" character.
Here’s how you can parse this information using an Excel formula (see if you can mentally follow along with this insanity):
For the first field, to extract the leftmost item (the person’s name), you would simply use a LEFT function in the formula.
"=LEFT(A2,FIND(";",A2,1)-1)"
Here’s how this logic works:
Searches the text string from A2
Finds the ";" delimiter symbol
Subtracts one for the proper location of the end of that string section
Grabs the leftmost text to that point
In this case, the leftmost text is "Ryan". Mission accomplished.
3. Nested Formula in Excel
But what about the other sections?
There may be easier ways to do this, but since we want to try and create the craziest Nested Excel formula possible (that actually works), we’re going to use a unique approach.
To extract the parts on the right, you need to nest multiple RIGHT functions to grab the section of text up until that first ";" symbol, and perform the LEFT function on it again. Here’s what that looks like for extracting the street number part of the address.
It looks crazy, but it’s not hard to piece together. All I did is took this function:
RIGHT(A2,LEN(A2)-FIND(";",A2))
And inserted it into every place in the LEFT function above where there’s an "A2".
This correctly extracts the second section of the string.
Each subsequent section of the string needs another nest created. Now all you need to do is take the "RIGHT" equation that you created in the last section, and paste it into a new RIGHT formula with the previous RIGHT formula pasted into it where you see "A2". Here’s what that looks like.
That formula correctly extracts "Portland, ME 04076" out of the original string.
To extract the next section, repeat the above process all over again.
Your Excel formulas can get really loopy, but all you’re doing is cutting and pasting long formulas into themselves, making long nests that still work.
Yes, this meets the requirement for "crazy". But let’s be honest, there is a much simpler way to accomplish the same thing with one function.
Just select the column with the delimited data, and then under the Data menu item, select Text to Columns.
This will bring up a window where you can split the string by any delimiter you want. Simply input ‘;‘ and you’ll see that the preview of your selected data changes accordingly.
In a couple of clicks, you can do the same thing as that crazy formula above… but where’s the fun in that?
Getting Crazy With Microsoft Excel Formulas
So there you have it. The above formulas prove just how over-the-top a person can get when creating Microsoft Excel formulas to accomplish certain tasks.
Sometimes those Excel formulas aren’t actually the easiest (or best) way to accomplish things. Most programmers will tell you to keep it simple, and that’s as true with Excel formulas as it is with anything else.
Writers and programmers often need to compare different versions of the same code or text to keep track of changes. However, figuring out the changes is not a simple task. As a document gets longer, you’re more likely to make errors in comparison.
A file comparison tool helps you compare and merge differences between two (or more) versions of the same file. There are different types of utilities, each tailored for specific types of file formats.
We’ll look at some best file comparison and difference (diff) tools for macOS.
1. Meld
Meld is a simple, cross-platform diff and merge tool. The user interface is intuitive and neatly packs all its functions into a handy menu. It has many customizable settings to make file comparison quick and easy.
On first launch, the app gives you an option to choose a comparison module. To start a comparison, click the File module and select your files from Finder.
Meld will display them side-by-side. Any differences between them appear highlighted to make individual changes easier to see.
On either side of the panels, you’ll see two vertical bars with colored blocks. They give you a bird’s-eye view of all changes, such as inserted, deleted, changed, or in conflict. Click the arrows in a segment to copy or merge a block of one file with another.
Meld’s Unique Features:
Three-way comparison of files. The changes update in real-time, no matter how big the file gets.
Integrates with source control systems, such as Git, Bazaar, Mercurial, and SVN to perform version control tasks. The built-in version filter helps you compare any changes to the local vs repository file.
The text editor supports line numbers, whitespace, syntax highlighting, and text wrapping for a user-friendly experience.
With text filters, you can ignore text that matches a particular pattern or even use regular expressions to create complex filters. To try them, go to Preferences and turn on Text Filters.
Helix P4V is a cross-platform, enterprise version control software used to compare and merge source files, web pages, manuals, OS code, and more. P4V is the client for the Helix core server that hosts all your data and resides in a depot. You open the files and edit them in your workspace.
When done, submit the modified file back to the shared repository or depot, where it keeps track of all the file revisions. P4V integrates with the P4 diff and merge tool. The purple icon and its color scheme highlight the input file, while the green icon and its color scheme highlight the output file.
P4Merge displays files side-by-side, with the center as a base file. This allows you to compare two files with a base file to find differences and select the text you want in the merged file. To navigate, click the Previous or Next buttons.
Helix P4’s Unique Features:
Works with image formats including PNG, GIF, JPG, and others. It highlights identical areas in gray and differences in yellow in both images. You can also compare file resolution, depth, and size.
The integration with P4V can reveal the entire file revision history, plus what changed during a particular time frame. This is useful for resolving bugs.
Visualize the differences and resolve conflicts that result from parallel or concurrent development via color-coding, syntax highlighting, line numbers, and patches.
Supports syntax highlighting for source code while comparing or merging files. Click the Show Syntax Highlighting button to toggle the feature.
View image revisions sequentially in time-lapse view. In here, you can see an image file’s history, like who made changes and when.
Beyond Compare is a comprehensive utility to compare and merge various file types and folders. The app tries to maintain a balance between features and performance with an easy-to-use interface and colorful buttons. On first launch, choose the comparison module for Text, RTF, Hex, MP3, Tables, and more.
Every comparison task begins with a Session. You can customize and save any session as Workspace. Simply load the workspace, and Beyond Compare will also load all your sessions with the same configuration and tabs.
The app will display your files side-by-side. It uses red text for highlighting important differences and blue for insignificant changes. You can adjust these colors to suit your preferences.
The overview thumbnail on the left pane displays a visual map of colors. To navigate, use the Next and Previous buttons to step through all your differences. Then, use the arrow buttons to merge your files. Click the Save button located at the right of the window to save your file.
Beyond Compare’s Unique Features:
The Session settings that control these comparisons are called Rules. They put you in control of how each session works and helps you discover significant differences.
The Table Compare session compares text files with tabular data. You can sort and align the data on key fields and compare them cell-by-cell.
Built-in scripting processing feature to automate routine tasks. For more details, visit the scripting section of the Help page.
Integration with popular tools like SQL Examiner, Dreamweaver, EditPlus, Total Commander, and Version Control System.
Compare files in remote storage through Dropbox, Google Drive, Amazon S3, and OneDrive.
Download:Beyond Compare ($30 Standard | $60 Pro | Free trial available)
4. DeltaWalker
DeltaWalker is a cross-platform visual diff and merge tool. The interface is intuitive, with just a few menu buttons. It relies more on visual parameters to help you find differences. Out of the box, it supports Office files, Java archives, ZIP, XML, PDF, and more. Speaking of which, we’ve covered how to compare two Excel files using other methods.
Click the Browse button in the entry field to bring up a File Open dialog box. On the other side, you can either open a local or remote file via SFTP, HTTPS, WebDAV, Dropbox, or Google Drive.
The app uses colors to denote the changes in blocks as inserted, deleted, changed, and in conflict. You’ll see connecting lines that joins together related blocks to simplify the results.
The vertical color strip on the right panel shows a summary with a scaled-down visual map of all differences. Click the arrow button (which appears when you hover your mouse) to merge your files.
DeltaWalker’s Unique Features:
One-click integration with Git, Bazaar, Mercurial, and SVN. Go to Preferences > SCM Integration and toggle the SCM of your choice. Here’s a guide on how to install Git on Mac.
Find and Replace feature helps you find specific characters and use regular expressions for advanced cases. Or use shortcuts to access them without opening the Find and Replace window.
Linked undo and redo feature keeps track of changes across editors. When you undo, the changes happen in reverse order, spanning across multiple editors.
Export the file comparison report as HTML and Patch. The latter contains the differences between one or more pairs of different files, which is helpful for app developers.
Download:DeltaWalker ($40 Standard | $60 Pro | Free trial available)
5. Araxis Merge
Araxis Merge is a complex diff and merge tool. It works with many file formats, including Office files, PDF, XML, HTML, Binary, and source code files. This makes the app suitable for various creative professionals and use cases.
Click the Browse button to open your file. Araxis Merge uses text extraction filters and formatting tools to help you see changes more clearly. Go to Preferences > File Comparisons > File Types to configure the filters for various kinds of files.
Thin overview strips next to the scroll bar show the position of changes. The status bar shows you a summary of changes that are inserted, removed, changed, and deleted. The built-in plugin system gives you access to files located in Git, SVN, and Perforce Depot.
There are two layout options: vertical and horizontal. They both work with two- and three-way file comparison modes. Use the Previous or Next buttons (or shortcuts) to navigate through the file. Additionally, click the small merging button on each block to copy, replace, or merge files.
Araxis Merge’s Unique Features:
Drag and drop blocks of text in either panel to edit files. Araxis Merge analyzes the changes in the background and saves them. At any time, you can undo the result.
Compare folders with two- or three-way file comparison. This layout splits the display with folders on top and its related files at the bottom.
Create markers to indicate the lines you’ve modified. Add a bookmark to remind yourself or place a comment to note important information.
The synchronization link feature can help you identify points of similarity between files to simplify the comparison results. This works best with complex files.
Export the file comparison report as HTML, XML, and Unix Diff. This feature is helpful for future audits, storage, and sharing.
Download:Araxis Merge ($129 Standard | $269 Pro | Free trial available)
Use Notepad++ to Compare Files
There are many reasons to use a file comparison tool. A software developer might need syntax highlighting and export features. A writer may prefer a more visual diff tool to compare text. The apps discussed here cover every use case. Give them a proper trial to see which one fits your needs.
If you’re using the excellent text editor Notepad++, then you can compare files easily with a plugin. It’s feature-rich and fits both casual users and programmers.
The efforts of officials to confiscate military-style firearms in Massachusetts ran into trouble recently when armed militia groups confronted a government raid to seize a stockpile of guns and ammunition and arrest leading anti-government activists rumored to be in a small town outside of Boston.
The government forces were initially met by a small number of militia members in Lexington. After their show of force, the militia leader ordered his men to stand down and allow the government’s troops to pass. They were in the process of dispersing when a shot rang out. No one is sure just who fired that shot, but in response government troops opened fire, killing eight and wounding several others before their officers could regain control of the situation. Government forces then proceeded west towards their original destination of Concord, Massachusetts.
At Concord, the government troops spread out through the community searching for banned goods and the individuals they had been instructed to arrest. One group headed toward William Barret’s farm where it was reported that a stockpile of guns and ammunition was being collected. Meanwhile, some prohibited items were found in the town and set on fire in a vacant lot. However, the fire soon spread to a nearby building and the resulting smoke led some militia leaders that had assembled their men in the area to believe the town was being deliberately burned down. They began advancing and confronted a group of government troops at a bridge on the north side of the town. A brisk exchange of gunfire resulted in about a dozen casualties and government forces retreating back towards the center of town.
At this point, the raid’s leaders decided it would be best to return to Boston rather than continuing on their mission. During the subsequent retreat, an estimated seventy troops were killed and about two hundred were wounded as thousands of militiamen from the area rushed to confront the retreating government forces.
Following the abortive raid, an investigation was launched into why it had failed. The raid had been planned in the utmost secrecy, with the troops and leaders learning of their mission only at the last possible moment. Still word leaked out, probably by someone that overheard the planning of the raid at the governor’s mansion. Knowledge of the potential raid quickly spread to militia leaders but the exact target of the raid was not known. The individual that leaked the information about the raid was never identified.
This most recent raid was part of a trend that started last year when a law was passed banning the importation of military-style firearms and ammunition into the state. Subsequently, government forces began conducting warrantless searches for guns and ammunition. A successful raid was conducted on September 1, when a stockpile of ammunition was seized from a site about six miles northwest of Boston. A similar effort to seize ammunition stockpiles occurred in Williamsburg, Virginia. Rumors quickly spread that the government was deliberately trying to deny citizens the ability to acquire ammunition. Hoarding and shortages soon followed.
These initial successful efforts led the Massachusetts and Virginia governors to order further raids. A second attempt to seize illegal guns and ammunition was aimed at the Salem community. This one failed when local citizens learned of the raid and took efforts to block roads and bridges, preventing government officials from reaching the town.
Gun control efforts in Massachusetts increased in response to protests in Boston resulting from raising taxes and harsh treatment by government officials. This latest series of protests turned violent a few years ago when government officials opened fire on a crowd, killing five, including one black man. A couple of years later another group of protesters seized control of an embargoed shipment of goods pending payment of import taxes. Although the protest was non-violent, several thousand dollars in goods were destroyed. In an effort to restore order, Massachusetts’ governor imposed martial law in the area immediately around Boston and ordered the confiscation of firearms and ammunition.
In response to the governor’s action, Massachusetts gun rights leaders pointed to a resolution that was voted on almost ten years ago that stated every citizen was entitled to possess a firearm for their own personal protection and to defend the state from outside attack. They said that the government’s latest efforts fly in the face of long-standing tradition that people have the right to defend themselves.
[Author’s Note: You probably have not heard about these incidents in any of the major news outlets. However, they all happened, just not recently. Instead they occurred in the late eighteenth century and involved the events surrounding the Boston Massacre (1770), the Boston Tea Party (1773), and the Battles of Lexington and Concord (1775). Even then, gun control was used in an attempt to control the rights of citizens to protest government actions.]
I hate them so much that when my husband suggests having dinner outside or playing a lawn game, I immediately start to wonder about the swarms of mosquitoes that will attack me.
How about a card game inside instead?
But ever since we started using Thermacell devices, I have happily said yes to the outdoors more often.
TFB recently reporting on the announcement of a safety recall for certain lots of Winchester and Browning 9mm ammunition. The 115-grain rounds in question, manufactured for these brands in East Alton, Illinois by the Olin Corporation, are subject to a factory defect causing the powder to burn improperly. This can cause what is known as […]
My sustainable homestead is evolving—and the new addition to the ever-growing project involves using rain barrels to provide my chickens with drinking water, irrigate my garden, and keep my compost pile moist.
Luckily for me, my local municipality teamed up with our state college to offer residents classes and incentives to help grow our community’s conservation effort (you can check with your local government to see if they offer anything similar). Through the program, I was able to purchase a 55-gallon rain barrel for just $37—a deal so good I opted to purchase three barrels. The barrels were guaranteed to be food-grade, which meant I avoided the toxic residuals that might have been lurking in any old barrel. Instead, my barrel had been used exclusively to store juice, so it was actually designed to withstand both the pressure and weight of 55 gallons of liquid, which weighs roughly just under 500 pounds.
The sweet juice residuals meant I needed to clean the barrel out with a solution, though. You can use a solution of one ounce of bleach to five gallons of water or, as I did, opt for a vinegar and baking soda alternative. However you get the job done, you’ll want to make sure the barrel is fresh and clean before you start collecting water in it.
Here are a few things I’ve learned throughout the process:
You don’t need a water pump to get the water out if you use gravity to your advantage and place the barrel on a raised base.
You want your base to be level and balanced.
55 gallons of water is very heavy.
You’ll need to use fine mesh as a barrier at every entry point you create; otherwise, debris can clog everything up, and bugs are attracted to the water.
It’s important to avoid placing your barrel in direct sunlight because algae will grow inside it. You can also paint your barrel to keep the light out.
The build itself is rather simple: Rain barrels have inlets into which you direct a water source—you can direct the water from your gutter system by modifying your downspout to pour directly into the inlet, for example. Add another hole toward the top of the barrel for overflow and plan to direct that water away from your foundation—or into another barrel.
Next, you’ll need to cut a hole toward the bottom of the barrel and install a spigot. From the spigot, you can use a garden hose to direct the water to wherever you want it to go. How high you place the barrel will determine how much pressure you are going to get.
TFB recently reporting on the announcement of a safety recall for certain lots of Winchester and Browning 9mm ammunition. The 115-grain rounds in question, manufactured for these brands in East Alton, Illinois by the Olin Corporation, are subject to a factory defect causing the powder to burn improperly. This can cause what is known as […]