PITTSBURGH—Confirming that the change in outlook was already a massive pain in the ass, area woman Jen McKessy reported Thursday that her plan to be more positive was off to a shitty fucking start. “Well, I’m not even three days into giving optimism a shot, and it already sucks,” said McKessy, adding that her plan to live in the moment and give people the benefit of the doubt was probably a hopelessly naïve idea to begin with and that a smarter, less awful person would have realized this from the very beginning. “I can’t believe how quickly keeping things in perspective has gotten fucking unbearable. I mean, maybe I should feel proud that a fuck-up like me has even lasted 72 hours with a positive attitude, but there’s no way I’m missing out on an opportunity to feel like shit.” At press time McKessy’s …
via The Onion
Plan To Be More Positive Off To Shitty Fucking Start